Hilarious Happenings

I have been neglecting my blog. Okay, that's putting it nicely. I've had some rather hilarious happenings in my life lately, and thought I would need to write them down. Here we are...back in the saddle again. (If you sang that like Willie Nelson, yes, of course we can be friends.)

This first post, currently happening as I type, is from a situation with a friend. My dear friend, let's call her May. She has been notifying me of the hilarious things at her workplace.

Situation 1:
"I'm drinking Smart Water...so I'll git more smart... Psh then I'll be dun drinkin' it and be dumb again...all this shit goes through reverse osmosis purification process... So it doesn't matter if you get it from a river or tap...it's all the same." My co-worker is going to be knockedeth outeth!"

My response: "Yes. That is just nuts. Everyone knows that drinking Smart Water makes you smart regardless of the reverse osmosis prinicples. C'mon."

Situation 2:
"I don't have the patience for that kind of shit!" after he spoke of the crisis of the jammed labeler. *slap of the forehead* I mean I would've if a gnome hadn't been running through my uterus with a machete!

My response: "PAHAHAHAHA! Not the jammed labeler! the day would be over for me. I adore that explanation of the female process.

Situation 3:
"But this annoying-man-coworker thing can be very entertaining...if you couldn't tell. For instance, he was going to run home and throw a load of laundry in then he'd be back. So I ask him to take something to the bank. He gives me the "Uuuuuuuummmmmmmmuuuuuhhhhhmmmmaaaahhhhh..." BS. Then says yes. NOTE:  the bank is on the SAME BLOCK that our business is. His HOUSE is PAST the BANK! Ron White doesn't lit. You CAN'T fix stoopid. To make it worse, he said "Heres you go" once he returned. Like no, GTFO.

My response: Gut-wrenching laughter.

Situation 4:
"This dude just got totally pissed because I charged $.10 extra on 3 mini cake things. Problems? Apparently...I'm such a dime-pusher.

My response: Quite literally a dime-pusher.

Situation 5:
"He just came in mumbling and cussing saying "That damn tire machine..." Me: *thinking* Operator defect?

My response: Yep. Most definitly operator defect. Or possibly, could be the process in which the tire was put on the vehicle or maybe even the vehicle stability. Blame the manufacture.

Situation 5 (continued):
"Lol, no no, the legit tire fixing mechanism! Maybe he couldn't find a YouTube video to suit his needs...

My response: First world problem?

Situation 6:
"This is how desperate rednecks can get for a radio station. Got a tin roof on the building so naturally we get a radio from the 19th century, tie a bright red covered copper battery terminal wire to the very top of the antenna, and clip it onto a random wire protruding from the wall. Makes sense.

My response: You've got to be kidding...

Situation 6 (continued):
Oh and to add to that, we have a neon sign in the window near the radio and when you turn it on, the station is fuzzy. Off? It's crystal clear.

Hope you all have a Happy Friday. And that your workplace is at least a bit entertaining today.

Until next time....